More often than not I find myself falling into depression. At lest that's what I label it. I'm not sure if it can be classified as depression since it only appears when the moon decides to show us her butt crack, when the sun is shining high and when the wind blows, and it only lasts a few days.

I just want to lie down and do nothing. I feel a uselessness about my existence that downright makes me unwilling and unable to do anything. And no matter how much I try to dream, to weave, to hope, I cannot. I cannot get myself out of it. I don't know how it appears and I don't know how it passes. Sometimes I believe it's a switch, but the switch is not simple, but random. It might work, it may not. How and why and when, I did not figure it out.

Today is one of those days.

Some may consider me a fussy and picky eater. I am not. Sometimes I just eat so I would get on with more important things but other times I like to take my time and enjoy that which reaches my palate.

Food is one of the simplest joys and why not take advantage of a meal and fulfill some other need than the primitive one of having a full belly?

Today I wanted this so I went to have lunch at a restaurant - an upgrade from our company subsidized canteen lunch.

Now, two hours later, I feel empty and cheated and a fool.

I did not enjoy the food. It was expensive, it was little, it had no taste, it was overpriced (yes, on top of being expensive!) and it was badly served. I even think they dropped some of it and then put it back on the plate.

Yet I ate some of it, I did not comment on anything and I even leave a tip. Yeppp, that's how stupid I am.

Now I'm mad and upset at myself and at those people. Why didn't I do anything? Why did I allow them to make a fool out of me? My apathetic behaviour has gotten me into this 

(to be finished)

In my office there's half of another project's team.

The other half comes by regularly to do some teamwork, discussing, debating, advice asking, etc. You see, my half of the team is the leading one.

Today, at lunch break, the working part of the team came by to ask me to inform the leading half that it has to leave work for an urgent matter and even though an FYI e-mail has been sent, providing 16:00 as the estimate time of return, this period of absence could extend well over this hour.

Ok, I say...(not that I really care, I'm just the messenger)

What I need to share now is that the leading half of the team is quite a serious and disciplined person. And this person will not be happy about the (I'm sure otherwise perfectly justified) absence. She'll say something like "oh, why don't/when will people take work seriously?"

And I'll say ...

Well, nothing really. I don't usually speak my mind, I only come here and complain.

I'm thinking: why should they? Because that's the thing to do, that's how it's supposed to work? Employers give money and expect employees to give out..their lives!

I'm being bitter now, I know, they expect you to do your job in return. To be serious and proffesional about it, to have respect for your job and always to give the best you can

But this, I came to realize, is stupid. This is not how real life works.

Employers do not appreciate people to their true value, they do not seek to offer the best productive environment for their employers, they do not actually care about your career path, they don't care rent/food/travel/life! expenses increase and that the employee has an existence full of these things called "life outside work".

All they care about is money. To spend as little as possible and to gain as much as possible.

And something's got to give! because this is not Heaven, nor Fantasia or Utopia.
Of course it is not the client that will give in - paying for a product that is any less than perfect and taking longer to be made that they desire.
And it's not the company either - paying your work with a reasonable price just so you're happy and satisfied.
No, it's you that has to give up. You have to give up some of your free time, you have to give up on hoping your good work will ever be appreciated, you have to give up believing that surely everyone can see that a more qualified you can benefit the employer too, not only your future.

Now, this was just a walk around the block from the real subject, the one I stared with. The answer to "when will people take work seriously?" is simple: when they're happy.

And truth is, no one will try to make you happy. No one is looking after your own satisfaction but you.

There are no good jobs out there, yet there are happy employees. Why? Because they make it so.
Some of us are too stubborn/proud/stupid to lower our standards, to make compromises (and in truth  - who would when there's no reciprocity?) to be happy with less (less is better than nothing, no? at least that's what the optimist would say). But some of us aren't. They spend their days building a delicate balance between what they lose at work and what they win at "after work". They learn how to close their eyes and breathe under pressure, stress, unfairness on all accounts. They even sometimes manage to get some satisfaction out of it all.

How? I don't know. If I did, I'd do it.

think I pretty much figured out the problem to my writers's block and to the failing of my blog: theme.

It is lacking a theme. Something to go by, something you know you'll certainly read about in one of the posts. Like who wants to know about my life anyway? And what I think of sandwiches, cherry prices, which fruits are underrated or how many days of holiday a trinkets vendor deserves..

No one. They're too random and too boring. I was hoping I'd spark a little conversation this way, but this is not a forum or a chat room. This is a blog.

And what do people write on their blogs about?

I have made a mistake.

I've posted here the same old style posts I used to write for my old blog.

Not that it is wrong, but maybe one of the things that put me off of writing was routine.

Now, it doesn't mean that if I ever feel writing like I used to, I won't. Because that would be stupid and would actually mean forcing myself to be someone else.

And that's not nice, not at all...