Monday, August 29, 2011

More often than not I find myself falling into depression. At lest that's what I label it. I'm not sure if it can be classified as depression since it only appears when the moon decides to show us her butt crack, when the sun is shining high and when the wind blows, and it only lasts a few days.

I just want to lie down and do nothing. I feel a uselessness about my existence that downright makes me unwilling and unable to do anything. And no matter how much I try to dream, to weave, to hope, I cannot. I cannot get myself out of it. I don't know how it appears and I don't know how it passes. Sometimes I believe it's a switch, but the switch is not simple, but random. It might work, it may not. How and why and when, I did not figure it out.

Today is one of those days.

Some may consider me a fussy and picky eater. I am not. Sometimes I just eat so I would get on with more important things but other times I like to take my time and enjoy that which reaches my palate.

Food is one of the simplest joys and why not take advantage of a meal and fulfill some other need than the primitive one of having a full belly?

Today I wanted this so I went to have lunch at a restaurant - an upgrade from our company subsidized canteen lunch.

Now, two hours later, I feel empty and cheated and a fool.

I did not enjoy the food. It was expensive, it was little, it had no taste, it was overpriced (yes, on top of being expensive!) and it was badly served. I even think they dropped some of it and then put it back on the plate.

Yet I ate some of it, I did not comment on anything and I even leave a tip. Yeppp, that's how stupid I am.

Now I'm mad and upset at myself and at those people. Why didn't I do anything? Why did I allow them to make a fool out of me? My apathetic behaviour has gotten me into this 

(to be finished)

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