Ok, let us give it a go.

Today I feel a bit sad. What will I share with you today?
The taste of my green spice tea?
The warmth of the overheated office? (t-shirt in November, yay? Nay...)
Delaying the turning on of the lights just to enjoy a bit more the afternoon gloom?
The ever failing network connection that gives me this break?
The baked trout and steamed broccoli dinner?

I read a few blogs and lately, all over the blogosphere, I see more and more people losing their interest in blogging.

I do not know if it's because they have nothing left to share or because they don't want to share it any more, but they just stop.

When I started blogging, back in 2009, I found out I had somehow lost the peak of the blogging, the hype had passed they said, blogging wasn't the thing, it's was just a thing. And yet, for about two strong years I had it. Things were happening. Things were being written. Satisfaction was given. There was enjoyment. And then...no more.

For me, the last 2 years and a half have very much been the height of blogging. And it wasn't just because I was writing but because I was reading too. By reading I felt inspired, I felt I was part of a something and I felt the need to write some more.

Now I don't know if it's just me, or it is their influence, but I, just like most of my blogging stars, have lost it.

It would be horrible if this isn't even my own feeling, but what if  ...?

I have a scab on my left leg.

All I'm thinking is ...

eat it!

is that so wrong?!

I'm watching a music video. It's not your conventional video with script, story, actors, etc., it's more of a hey! let's take some shoots of you in the studio, recording this and other songs video.

So we see the people in the band as well as the singer. They're all so happy and they have so.much. fucking. fun. It's like their eyes and faces and body language scream this shit is good. SOOO good!

And then, of course, I look around me and I look in the mirror and ..and I don't see anything like that here. If it's a smile it's from someone sneaking an youtube video between two tasks, or a funny e-mail between a phone call and a skype conference. And I, normally of course, think: God this job sucks! All our jobs suck!1!! 

Because, well, we never get to have fun like these people do.
Because, you know, we work for a living and they do it for fun and on top of that get paid. Yeah.
Because, like, what they do is about creativity and what we do is about ...getting fucked in the ass?
Because when we wake up we know what we'll do for the next 10 hours and even if we don't like it we'll have to do it anyway.
Because usually these people are younger then us and we look at them and go Oh, wow! What did I do when I was this age?
Because there is the usual smart asses bunch who go Look at them: robots! Going to work in their little suits, taking their little commuter trains, eating their little company subsidized lunch, enjoying their measly week-ends at the sea side like freedom has been invented only for them and only then, using their little gadgets they worked their ass off to afford... You know, artiste shit like that.

And I .. I ...

well, fuck off you dudes! Fuck the fuck off! And then some...

because you know what? You'd be nothing without us! Nothing.

You might think you're a somebody and that your creations are only understood and intended for artists like you, that we're sheep and we don't understand what this is all about, yet who pays so you can have all that? Who works so you can have something to eat? Who goes mindless from 9 to 17 so you would have a world to live in? We do.

Oh, I'd so much like to be like you. To spend my days milking the cow of creativity, not really worrying about the actual life problems because bringing the chef d'oeuvre into this world surely pays for every little thing you use and need. But I can't. Well, probably I am capable of, but I can't. Most of us can't.

If  all of as were singers and painters and writes and all that, we would not exist any more. I'm not saying as a species but I guess as a functional society, as a community.

No one likes to do the hard jobs but someone's got to do it. I'm sorry if this ruins your vision of an utopian flowery powery bohemian society, asshole.

But then, I'm just bitter.

...how about the power to move you?

there's this [...]zine I read sometimes that has a permanent column: the 60 seconds interview.

It's pretty boring and uninteresting - mainly because of the people that are being interviewed, but there's this one question that always intrigued me and made me think of a perfect answer many, many times

if you were a super hero, what would your superpower be?

This is a difficult one and, as I said, I've given it a lot of thought but never could come up with a decent answer (read: one that would make people go wow! that's a good one)

..until a few days ago! Yes, that's right, the code has been cracked, the biscuit has been dipped in tea, the cat has eaten the gold fish! for I, I have the answer.

You ready?
If I were a superhero my superpower would be ...to be illegal!

Ge-ni-ous, you say. And I agree :)

You may ask yourselves though: what does this mean? What kind of superpower is this dear N?

And I would answer: it is both a power and a curse my darlings, for with great powers come great irresponsibilities!

The principle is simple: whenever there's a law to be broken, I'll do it. I don't want to do it, but I'll do it.

I will

• cross the street on the red light and at crossroads
• travel without a ticket - bus, tram, plane, train, donkey, sardine can, you name it
• ride my bike on the wrong lane
• wine&dine without paying
• mess up the lyrics when singing the national anthem
• walk around butt naked - this has solved the costume problem
• not work for the money my employer is giving me
• loiter on the park benches
• kick stupid people in the face
• and generally kicking and beating everyone who deserves to  - by my very own high standards
• smuggle Kinder Surprise eggs in the U.S. of A.
• steal candies from babies (is this illegal? if it isn't at least it's morally wrong which is almost as bad as being illegal!)
• and many, many more bad, illegal things

which I don't want to actually do, but I will not be able to help myself because my superpower forces me to do them. Aaaand I will not get arrested or held responsible. Never. No matter what.

How about it?

Still didn't manage to find a theme.

When I first started blogging my main theme was fun. I was determined to tell all about funny things and unfunny-but-written-in-a-funny-way things and that would be it! I considered this to be one of those rare moments of pure awesome geniousness (what? no such word as geniousness? Now there is :)

After a while (i.e. 3 years and a half, or roughly 744 posts later) it seems I've run out of fun.
Or will power to write unfunny things in a funny way.
Bitterness has got he best of me.

More often than not I find myself falling into depression. At lest that's what I label it. I'm not sure if it can be classified as depression since it only appears when the moon decides to show us her butt crack, when the sun is shining high and when the wind blows, and it only lasts a few days.

I just want to lie down and do nothing. I feel a uselessness about my existence that downright makes me unwilling and unable to do anything. And no matter how much I try to dream, to weave, to hope, I cannot. I cannot get myself out of it. I don't know how it appears and I don't know how it passes. Sometimes I believe it's a switch, but the switch is not simple, but random. It might work, it may not. How and why and when, I did not figure it out.

Today is one of those days.

Some may consider me a fussy and picky eater. I am not. Sometimes I just eat so I would get on with more important things but other times I like to take my time and enjoy that which reaches my palate.

Food is one of the simplest joys and why not take advantage of a meal and fulfill some other need than the primitive one of having a full belly?

Today I wanted this so I went to have lunch at a restaurant - an upgrade from our company subsidized canteen lunch.

Now, two hours later, I feel empty and cheated and a fool.

I did not enjoy the food. It was expensive, it was little, it had no taste, it was overpriced (yes, on top of being expensive!) and it was badly served. I even think they dropped some of it and then put it back on the plate.

Yet I ate some of it, I did not comment on anything and I even leave a tip. Yeppp, that's how stupid I am.

Now I'm mad and upset at myself and at those people. Why didn't I do anything? Why did I allow them to make a fool out of me? My apathetic behaviour has gotten me into this 

(to be finished)

In my office there's half of another project's team.

The other half comes by regularly to do some teamwork, discussing, debating, advice asking, etc. You see, my half of the team is the leading one.

Today, at lunch break, the working part of the team came by to ask me to inform the leading half that it has to leave work for an urgent matter and even though an FYI e-mail has been sent, providing 16:00 as the estimate time of return, this period of absence could extend well over this hour.

Ok, I say...(not that I really care, I'm just the messenger)

What I need to share now is that the leading half of the team is quite a serious and disciplined person. And this person will not be happy about the (I'm sure otherwise perfectly justified) absence. She'll say something like "oh, why don't/when will people take work seriously?"

And I'll say ...

Well, nothing really. I don't usually speak my mind, I only come here and complain.

I'm thinking: why should they? Because that's the thing to do, that's how it's supposed to work? Employers give money and expect employees to give out..their lives!

I'm being bitter now, I know, they expect you to do your job in return. To be serious and proffesional about it, to have respect for your job and always to give the best you can

But this, I came to realize, is stupid. This is not how real life works.

Employers do not appreciate people to their true value, they do not seek to offer the best productive environment for their employers, they do not actually care about your career path, they don't care rent/food/travel/life! expenses increase and that the employee has an existence full of these things called "life outside work".

All they care about is money. To spend as little as possible and to gain as much as possible.

And something's got to give! because this is not Heaven, nor Fantasia or Utopia.
Of course it is not the client that will give in - paying for a product that is any less than perfect and taking longer to be made that they desire.
And it's not the company either - paying your work with a reasonable price just so you're happy and satisfied.
No, it's you that has to give up. You have to give up some of your free time, you have to give up on hoping your good work will ever be appreciated, you have to give up believing that surely everyone can see that a more qualified you can benefit the employer too, not only your future.

Now, this was just a walk around the block from the real subject, the one I stared with. The answer to "when will people take work seriously?" is simple: when they're happy.

And truth is, no one will try to make you happy. No one is looking after your own satisfaction but you.

There are no good jobs out there, yet there are happy employees. Why? Because they make it so.
Some of us are too stubborn/proud/stupid to lower our standards, to make compromises (and in truth  - who would when there's no reciprocity?) to be happy with less (less is better than nothing, no? at least that's what the optimist would say). But some of us aren't. They spend their days building a delicate balance between what they lose at work and what they win at "after work". They learn how to close their eyes and breathe under pressure, stress, unfairness on all accounts. They even sometimes manage to get some satisfaction out of it all.

How? I don't know. If I did, I'd do it.

think I pretty much figured out the problem to my writers's block and to the failing of my blog: theme.

It is lacking a theme. Something to go by, something you know you'll certainly read about in one of the posts. Like who wants to know about my life anyway? And what I think of sandwiches, cherry prices, which fruits are underrated or how many days of holiday a trinkets vendor deserves..

No one. They're too random and too boring. I was hoping I'd spark a little conversation this way, but this is not a forum or a chat room. This is a blog.

And what do people write on their blogs about?

I have made a mistake.

I've posted here the same old style posts I used to write for my old blog.

Not that it is wrong, but maybe one of the things that put me off of writing was routine.

Now, it doesn't mean that if I ever feel writing like I used to, I won't. Because that would be stupid and would actually mean forcing myself to be someone else.

And that's not nice, not at all...

First Post

..or is it?

Wow, I should really say something smart, cool, witty, funny and all that here.

[...]

...myeah, or maybe you could read on and let me know what you think of this blog?

Don't Shoot the Bearded Bears is my second blog.

At first it was this, my blog in Romanian.

For a while, it even had an English version because I realised Google Translate can't handle my style and my use of the Romanian language, but I abandoned it fairly quick because I didn't have the patience to write the same thing twice.
So if you wish, you can read some posts there or try to use GT on the original blog, or maybe start off with a new, fresh view on my life & thoughts.

Whatever you like!

Welcome and have a nice stay!

P.S. Comments are always appreciated :)